i'm sorry, but certain people just irk me out and i want nothing to do with them reading the little daily rants i have. henceforth, i have decided to keep this eljay locked, for good. add me if you're my friend, or atleast are sincere enough to read my entries without a single judgement. bye bye, my tralala's.

somehow, i've missed my aisha osman more than anything. just talking to her tonight makes me realise how amazing it is to have a girlfriend like her. we sort of have shared quite a bit of similarities here and there (taufik batisah, being one of them!) so it was quite nice to just relish some monday night laughs with her. i was not feeling on the good side tonight; so thank you a, for knowing the right things to say, at just the right time. simpang this friday right baby?

yesterday, i begged daddy so bad to let me take a spin in his car for just an hour. i needed to find a place; far away from where my thoughts were at that very moment. note: never drive when your mind's not on the road. right as i was in aye exiting towards telok blangah, i fuckingly stupidly forgot to check the rearview mirror (the result of being an emotional woman driver.) and there was this car behind me that almost zoomed right past and thank god for the driver! he managed to do a sudden brake or whatever he did, that didn't managed to collide into my dad's. and then i kept crying. he kept honking me, and i knew it was all my fault. so what i did was slow down and when his car came alongside daddy's, i rolled down the windows and kept bowing to indicate my apologies. for a minute, i thought he was going to scream at me; but i suppose he appeared shocked at my facial reaction so he just drove off. to whoever that malay guy is, in this dark-colored suzuki swift, at around 8.15pm, thank you so much for not killing me when i wished you had, though now. stupid rihanna blasting on my mp3. what rehab rehab!?

i wanted so bad to call someone just to calm my frayed nerves but sadly, i didn't bring my phone along with me. so from my last minute plans to head to sentosa alone, i did a u-turn back home slowly, yet safely. my dad was suprised (darn glad his car wasn't damaged; if he only knew) and so i ran to my bed. took my painkillers, and slept. even before 12. it's time i call you now to wish you a happy twenty second; but i don't know what else i should say after that...... sighs. i'll find something nice, i guess.

i would love to be done in a british souffle kind of way. you're sick, ems! english men, oh god. simpang b with hani in 10 minutes' time. going to knock myself crazy with chicken wings & my pretty dress. suck it up.

These few days, my eyes have been squeezing out a tear or two (maybe, more.) It didn't help that episode 15 had me screaming & crying out on my bed, "chuck, don't do this to blair. PLEASE, JEEZUS!" made me realise I'm too involved; that's why most of my girls have no qualms in calling me a freak because i would cancel my dates with anyone just to watch a gossip girl episode but hey. we've all got our little obsessions here and there :S not?

But how could he! blair, our resident evil bitch, has finally let her guard down for the one man she truly loves and what did he do?! .... yes, charles bass chose to break her heart in the most minute pieces ever. go to hell, bass. (although i actually meant it in a "i would do you" kind of way.) after an hour, my eyes were swollen red. big time.

prepare for one of the longest entries ever, i reckon. so yesterday around four, i received a call from hani. one of those really major phonecalls that has indirectly changed a big part of my life. arwahan illyas' (hani's other half) passed away in his sleep just about six hours before a big fight they had over one of the most minor issues there ever could be. hearing her sob uncontrollably for almost an hour broke my heart. wasn't it so unfair that it happened to one of the most beautiful people i know? bb, i love you. i do.

talked to her up 'till 1ish in the morning last night just to keep her company. sometimes halfway through, i'll hear her muffle a sob or two. and occassionally, she'd tell me that i should just stop being so mean. i may not see the link, but i just want her to rant whatever she wishes to. anything. but i had resulted her in wailing so loud (in which i didn't intend to) when i said, "dear, share with me the best of him right now and even if i'm not close to being him, tell me all the things you wished to say to illyas' tonight."

// today, we met & talked of the most beautiful thing we knew of love. "your eyes are swollen, bb. my time's up. it's your turn now", she told me. her advice was just amazing, really. (: headed for lunch at kfc, and a ride on the carousel at e-hub. we were walking past it when she turned to me and whispered, "we always wanted to bring our kids here someday." so i indignantly suggested a ride on it because i told her that he would wanted it if she lived her life as if he was still very much alive. and the moment we were in our little territory on top of everything else, her walls gave way and my cheeks secretly felt moist with the tears that were dripping. ever so slowly,& just seeing how one of the most beautiful girls i know inside out had to lose everything that she's ever lived her whole life for killed me. i hugged her and kissed her forehead before i left. at that moment, i vowed to protect her. illyas', my prayers are with you hoping you're happy up there with the beautiful angels of heaven. hani's gonna be safe with me, i'll keep to that.

gales of laughter filled the starry night. chuck bass's chiselled face staring up at me from the chocolate cake. pretty girls and handsome boys, even the old ones too. the gifts of necklace(s), books and whatnots were perfect, thank you. not bothered to upload pictures at all, sorry if i wasn't there, entirely. my thoughts were faraway. congratulations, kak aliah.

....however, when i went to bed, the best dream i ever had compensated my terrible night. this obsession i have is a stalker, shoot me. i dreamt i was in TP with taufik batisah and right after dinner ended, he whispered in my ear that we should go back to his place because he wanted to sleep with me. suddenly, we ended up outside someone's house because he needed to use the aunty's toilet (god, dreams are weird.) and kept saying, "let's just go back to my place. i know you want me." i'm not making this up, i swear upon my life right now. and you know what the most fcuked up part was? i rejected his advances!! ME, EMA SULAIMAN, REJECTED HIM, TAUFIK BATISAH. then when we parted at the bus stop, he texted me again... "are you sure?" i just walked away from him and ended up in wild wild wet. (that didn't make sense honestly.) right after, i got woken up & i tried to sleep again to change the ending of the dream but to no avail. to no fucken avail, and didn't end up seeing how my hot tiger was in bed. HAH.

oh my god. i reject the one man whom i've had a crush on for 6 bloody long years. because if that happens in real life, i will NEVER say no to him sia. i'm willing to. geezus, that would be the perfect 21st present.

the wait for "in the realm of the basses" has been worthwhile. 2 moist cheeks, a chuck bass on the rooftop and an unmasked blair was all it needed for a perfect tuesday night. such a sucker for gossip girls that i am confident i will suffer from withdrawal symptoms once season two comes to an end. shall take up sewing then as a form of rehab :S 

Chuck : I'm Chuck Bass!! [pause] No one cares.
Blair : I do. And I'll always be here.

Blair: Whatever you want to do to yourself, please don't do that to me.